It is almost like reaching out to stroke a pet you have inadvertently kicked. I know it is the right thing to do and the best way to make amends, but it seems to flinch away from my attempts.
Hard, of course, does not convey the nuances of the argument I've had with myself for the last week about whether or not I should try to continue this blog or just let it gather dust and focus on other writing. Shame played a factor, especially when my last post, so embarrassingly visual to the whole world, betrays such hope and touts such gross promises. Laziness dragged at my fingers. It was all too easy to make excuses for myself.
To be fair, I had several that seem to hold some weight- choosing a college ended up being a more stressful endeavor than previously thought (I am now a Northeastern Husky, but more on that later); I procured, somehow, a boyfriend; the senioritis that spread like mono throughout my class didn't stop at schoolwork, but engulfed nearly everything productive I could have done; and, of course, I have been out of school for about a month with, actually, a bad case of mono.
Regardless, I refuse to devote this post to excuses. I'd like to apologize, too, for not posting and for giving up spectacularly on ROW80, but this post won't be devoted to that, either.
Indeed, it's time for a new beginning.
But this beginning comes with a touch of deja-vu.
Since the less-structured ROW80 simply was not dire enough to force my lazy fingers (I will, however, continue to blame my fingers) to write more than a couple thousand words of my novel, none of which was documented, and since the mono has canceled many of my summer vacation and/or work plans, I have discovered a familiar community.
Camp NaNoWrimo is starting in July. And for the first time since I got my period and had to run down a grassy hill several times during the night with a pissed-off and sleepy counselor to use an outhouse in the summer of 7th grade, I'm going camping.