The Immature Mind

Suffice to say, I am no closer today to finishing a novel than I was the last time I posted, which was an embarrassingly long time ago.

Honestly, I've already called to attention a couple factors in my decision not to commit myself to Camp NaNo this year, and yes, they are mostly excuses. But upon thinking further about why I really was so loathe to finish this novel, there was one recurring obstruction: I had no idea where I was going with it.

You see, the whole premise that I started off with, I discarded around the second week of NaNo. That's healthy, I was told; explore! However, I never picked a replacement premise. I dabbled around in 90+ pages with several different ones. The 90+ pages I have are winding, aimless, and mostly drabble.

That's not to say that I wrote 90+ pages in November of flowery imagery. What I have for this novel is heading (meandering) in some direction, but it's not the direction I want it to go in, and because I have written myself into a very deep hole, it will be incredibly hard to guide it in the right one.

Here's where I make another excuse for not finishing this novel (at least, right now): I set about practicing the wrong thing. NaNo is all about no holds barred, quick and dirty writing without a plan (or at least it was for me). I thought my problem was getting rid of my inner editor. Wrong!

NaNo helped in a sense, when I had to get up every day and write or face consequences, and for that reason I will still endeavor to participate in the coming years*. It is still immeasurably useful in teaching the importance of carving out a chunk of time every single day and writing.

But what I don't need to practice is heedless writing. I don't need to practice writing without a plan or a purpose for the sake of getting words on a paper. I am a wholehearted advocate of that if you are new to writing, or are writing for fun, etc. I, however, plan on being a professional author. I take that plan extremely seriously, and, let's face it: writing as a hobby and writing as a profession are incredibly different worlds.

What I need to learn is technique- not writing technique, but noveling technique. NaNo is about honing the art of writing, but I need to start learning the art of putting my writing into a cohesive being. I need to learn about pacing, about planning out acts and scenes; I need to hone the skill of ratcheting up tension at just the right moment; I need to learn how to keep a theme running like an undercurrent throughout the novel, tying everything together.

How am I going to do this?

I'm going to read.

And then I am going to write.

As an exercise, and because I still do want to spend most of my summer hanging out with my friends, I will return to my previous habit of reading everything I can get my hands on. Then, when college starts in the fall**, I will apply my newly-formed skills of time management and self-reliance, and start writing every. Single. Day.

Whether that will be towards a novel or just random short stories or projects, I've yet to determine (after all, I've also got to keep a 3.8 to get into the honors college), but as long as I can teach myself the habit of writing every day without an incentive like NaNo, I'll have one more valuable skill to launch myself into the world of authordom.

Sorry for the long post***. In other news, I have finished Broken Verses, Catch-22, and Ocean at the End of the Lane. I am currently reading World War Z. As a reminder, this is all on my Goodreads.

Carpal-tunnel-syndrome-y yours,

Abby

*Also, it's tons of fun, and I have a great dream of, one day, making it to the Night of Writing Dangerously.
** After giving myself a grace period to get used to it, because holy shit, college is terrifying.
***Not that anyone's reading. /disgruntled blog owner

Missed by a Mile

It is currently 3 AM and it is giving me a massive headache to follow the progress of words on this line because for the last hour I have been merely zoning out and waiting for the messages of my friends so I could brainlessly reply.

Productivity!

I am updating because I said I would update on Thursdays. Technically, it is now Friday, but fuck the system, etc.

It was the Fourth of July yesterday and therefore I take vacation leave and excuse my absence of posting in the last three hours.

I have not gotten past my mental block. Instead, I hung out with friends until midnight, whereupon I came back home and hung out with friends online until approximately ten minutes ago, when I felt sufficiently shamed enough to come back and post something- even if the quality of that post is appallingly sub-par.

So I apologize that the trek of my July novel-writing course is uninteresting so far, but to be fair I don't believe there is anyone around on this blog to be bored.

On the upside, though, my reading has definitely increased. Even if I get no writing done for Camp NaNo (and no, I have not given up yet and I will still try to force creative juice from my dry fingers- ew metaphor) I will at least endeavor to keep up with my 52 book promise and read a book a week, which gives me until Sunday to finish Broken Verses by Kamila Shamsie. It's entertainingly witty and well-written so far and I am enjoying myself immensely, even if it makes for poor blogging.

Next week, it's finishing off Catch-22 for the second time and then off to the library.

Thoroughly quotidian post, especially for three in the morning.

Apologetically yours,

Abby

Crawling Back and Packing a Tent

It's hard to come back to a blog you've abandoned.

It is almost like reaching out to stroke a pet you have inadvertently kicked. I know it is the right thing to do and the best way to make amends, but it seems to flinch away from my attempts.

Hard, of course, does not convey the nuances of the argument I've had with myself for the last week about whether or not I should try to continue this blog or just let it gather dust and focus on other writing. Shame played a factor, especially when my last post, so embarrassingly visual to the whole world, betrays such hope and touts such gross promises. Laziness dragged at my fingers. It was all too easy to make excuses for myself.

To be fair, I had several that seem to hold some weight- choosing a college ended up being a more stressful endeavor than previously thought (I am now a Northeastern Husky, but more on that later); I procured, somehow, a boyfriend; the senioritis that spread like mono throughout my class didn't stop at schoolwork, but engulfed nearly everything productive I could have done; and, of course, I have been out of school for about a month with, actually, a bad case of mono.

Regardless, I refuse to devote this post to excuses. I'd like to apologize, too, for not posting and for giving up spectacularly on ROW80, but this post won't be devoted to that, either.

Indeed, it's time for a new beginning.

But this beginning comes with a touch of deja-vu.

Since the less-structured ROW80 simply was not dire enough to force my lazy fingers (I will, however, continue to blame my fingers) to write more than a couple thousand words of my novel, none of which was documented, and since the mono has canceled many of my summer vacation and/or work plans, I have discovered a familiar community.

Camp NaNoWrimo is starting in July. And for the first time since I got my period and had to run down a grassy hill several times during the night with a pissed-off and sleepy counselor to use an outhouse in the summer of 7th grade, I'm going camping.

Pack yer bags, folks. It's going to be another wild ride.

Shame-and-gamefacedly yours,

Abby

(P.S. Still on Goodreads. Now also on Pinterest- and there's a writing inspiration board, too. My list of distractions is only growing, but I can only redeem myself by distracting others with them.)

Shady's Back

"Hello!" I call into the abyss of my blog, hearing a thousand faint impressions of my voice echo mockingly back at me.

I know it's empty in here. I know there's been a void where witty blog posts should have been. I know that my promises to myself of blogging regularly and writing regularly now seem like traps I set up for myself, knowing that I would fail. I know these things, and I'm sorry.

But I'm back, returning triumphantly from the absolute avalanche of college preparations that I put off for that wild month of November. Turns out that finishing NaNo allowed a bunch of deadlines to pile up and, because I am the best procrastinator ever, I am just now finished slogging through them (seriously, I just applied to my last college YESTERDAY).

Now that that's all over with, guess what I'm back to doing in the new year? Writing. I bet none of you saw that coming.

Of course, it was a lot of fun to throw myself wholeheartedly into my writing and forget about all other worries for most of NaNo. I felt important, I felt intelligent, I felt like I was a true writer. But, of course, I am not a true writer yet; I can't sustain myself on my writing (the idea is laughable); I have a great myriad of other things to take care of. And because I need some kind of incentive to write regularly (as the past month has demonstrated), ROW80 seems to be the best fit for challenging myself to finish my novel while passing the rest of senior year.

ROW80 stands for A Round of Words in 80 Days; as its website espouses, ROW80 is "the writing challenge that knows you have a life." It allows you to pick a goal for the next 80 days (this round runs from January 7th to March 28th) and then merely suggests that you check in every couple days or so on the website with a link to a blog post, such as this, to keep you on track.

In addition to allowing more flexibility, the other upside of this challenge is that it forces me to, in addition to straight-up writing, craft a blog post about each check in at least once a week. Looks like you'll be seeing more of me this year!

My goal for ROW80 is to finish the first draft of my novel. That will put me right on track for finishing my capstone in time, and since it is probably going to be another 50K or so, it appears manageable without being too much of a burden.

So off I go, astronauts!

With much guilty love,

Abby

(In other news, I'm also back on Goodreads. You should check out my impeccable reading taste.)